Are Misbehaving Kids the Parents' Fault? Expert Urges Parents to 'Hold Back' Instead of Punishing, Offering 8 Strategies to Correct Children's Negative Behaviors

Children who refuse to listen, misbehave, or break rules often leave parents frustrated and helpless. In response, Wang Hung-Che, a neuroscience master and occupational therapist, posted on Facebook advocating for the use of 'natural consequences' instead of punishment, stating that children's behavior improves more effectively this way. When children personally experience and feel the outcomes of their actions, they learn more profoundly and internalize lessons more deeply.

Wang shared a case where a mother complained that no matter how much she scolded her child, he remained unfazed—spending the entire summer lazing around and playing video games, leaving homework until the very last minute. Wang asked the mother, 'Have you ever let him personally experience the negative outcomes of this behavior?' The mother replied, 'How could I? I can't just ignore it—I feel like scolding him the moment I see it.' Wang pointed out that in such cases, the child never truly fears being too late, because someone always reminds him.

Wang explained that many parents misunderstand the true meaning of 'natural consequences,' and the key often lies in whether parents can忍 (bear to) hold back. If parents can't resist intervening, all efforts are wasted. For behaviors to be internalized, children must face the consequences of their actions. Here are eight strategies:

- Delaying tasks: Don't remind the child. Guide them to plan their own schedule (remain flexible and review it together), and don't wait for them if they're late. Regularly review time management, and if they miss deadlines, let them lose privileges and face the consequences. - Backtalk: Listen to their perspective first, then communicate. Parents can accept differing opinions but must insist on respectful language. If rules are broken or insults are used, suspend all activities as a consequence. - Crying to manipulate: Acknowledge emotions first, then solve the problem. Allow crying but don't allow rule-breaking. Solve issues only after the child calms down. If crying prevents others from hearing their needs, they must face longer communication delays as a consequence. - Not putting things away: Resist the urge to clean up for them for a while, so they increasingly can't find what they need. If they fail to clean up within the agreed time, suspend their entertainment activities to help them connect the behavior with consequences. - Hitting others: Stop the child immediately and ask them to go to a calm-down area. Explain that hitting hurts others, impose a brief restriction, and make them face the consequence of others not wanting to play with them. - Lying: Calmly guide the child, spend time discussing corrective actions, and ask them to try to fix their mistakes, experiencing the inconvenience caused by lying. - Not taking care of belongings: If an item is broken or lost, don't immediately replace it. First, try to repair it together, discuss why it was lost, and have the child contribute money if possible, facing the consequences. - Forgetting things: If they forget something they should bring, don't deliver it immediately. Sometimes let them borrow from others, and afterward help them create a checklist, experiencing the inconvenience as a consequence.

Wang emphasized that if parents can't bear to let children face consequences, their growth will be slower. Only through personal experience and bearing the outcomes of mistakes can children truly feel and learn more deeply.